Lazy Diamond-Studded Flunkies

Friday, 25th April 1997

"Hello. My name is Ralph Theft, and I collect rocks and pebbles. I've been collecting since I went on holiday with my parents to Selsey when I was seven, and over the many years my collection has grown and grown. What I like about rocks and pebbles is the way that they've been around for millions of years and yet we take them for granted.

"This is one of my favourites. I found it on a beach in Margate in 1987, whilst on one of my frequent rock-and-pebble collecting holidays. It is almost perfectly round, and has been worn away by the tides and the elements over millions of years until it is now almost perfectly round. I like the yellowy-browny colour, it is almost like gold except not shiny. It is one of my favourites. On this one you can see the imprint of a fossilised shrimp. This one over here is green, and there's a hole in it. I'm not sure what it's proper name is, I think it's in Latin.

"Yes, it does take up a lot of space, haha. My friends used to say I was a bit mad, collecting 'old stones', but as they got to know me better they got used to my hobby. On the few occasions I see them briefly I try to bring them up to date on my collection, but I don't really think they're interested. Still, it gives me a lot of free time.

"Collecting pebbles and rocks has given me lots and lots of pleasure over the years. One day I hope to marry a lady who also likes rocks and pebbles and have children who I can share my collection with."

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