Strange News from Another Star

Friday, 21st March 1997

One of the major US tobacco companies has made history by becoming the first to admit that smoking causes cancer and that nicotine is addictive. Expect the following statements over the next few months:

BNFL: "Our nuclear power stations cause leukaemia clusters in local communities."

Esso: "Our fossil fuels are evaporating the ozone layer."

Coca-Cola: "Our secret ingredient is tar."

KFC: "Our secret ingredient is asbestos."

FBI: "All the conspiracy theories about us are true. Except the ones about Elvis."

Tate & Lyle: "Your teeth will fall out."

Disney: "Our founder had a sexual fascination for domestic animals, hence a talking mouse in body-hugging dungarees."

Microsoft: "All systems are synchronised to wipeout on Bill's 45th birthday."

Skoda: "Yes, they're made out of cardboard."

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