Wednesday, 20th November 1996
Scientists in Canada working on the communicative structure used by ducks made a breakthrough last week by completing their first translation. The completed sentence read: "This water's f***ing freezing".
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Four blind men describing an elephant.
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Copies of the videotape lifted by a construction worker from the home of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee showing the couple having sex will be available to purchase at lunchtime by the Coke machine. The quality of the reproduction may affect viewing pleasure, and to the untrained eye the content may look a bit like old episodes of "CHiPS", but at £9.99 a go this is a must have.
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Got any salmon - sautéed!
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