Tuesday, 17th September 1996
So how was your evening? Mine was great, you know, watching vids and looking forward to Film 96, when in comes our friend (A's brother's friend to be precise) Winston. His wife's just given birth. Congratulations - tell us about it. And he starts talking. And talking. A "look of interest" fixes on my face, I'm too polite to stop this guy's tale of medical incompetence, septicaemia and a battle for life. The clock ticks by, he talks with the dogged resolve of a murder lawyer, covering the same ground over and over like he's telling it to the judge.
Eventually I start scratching the furniture and realise that the evening is slipping away. I try to look bored but it feels rude. A voice in my head says "shut up shut up Shut Up SHUT UP!", this story is interminable in detail, my compassion fatigue has full grip and by now I couldn't care less about streptococcus and vaginal swabs, just tell us the kid's alright now and f**k off.
Two hours later, after ten minutes of me going "ah well", "all's well that ends well", "you've really gone through the hoops" and "at least he's okay", all those little conversation killers that come before "honey, fetch me the gun", he stops talking! He leaves! He goes upstairs to play Quake! I switch on the telly...
...and Barry Norman's slagging off "Escape from LA" - I missed the "Striptease" review. Bugger!
Yipee-kai-ay, feathermuckers.
2 comments:
Apparently STRIPTEASE wasn't much cop.
I distinctly remember my empathy for his wife and child battling against my loathing of the man himslef, the self-absorbed clown-haired gonk.
It was probably at this point that I resolved never to bore people to tears about my own children. Now I'm a dad, I always stop when the eyes glaze over, before the tears form and fall.
STRIPTEASE was utter pish. ESCAPE FROM LA was better. Not by much, but still.
Man, I'm enjoying this...
Post a Comment